I can really feel time and the way it has passed in my life and I'd be lying by omission if I didn't mention that, at times, it makes me a little sour. Now is not one of those times. Right now, I'm feeling prepared for some new ventures in my career and adventures in my life. For me, just the fact that I'm not worried about the many things that are up in the air is tangible evidence of my having lived and the efforts I've made to learn. Up until only recently, change would be welcomed as openly as it would be internally feared. Not the paralyzing kind, but the sort of constantly lingering kind, like a small headache that you just simply notice all day but have to push through. What I found to be the problem with that slow-and-steady sort of fear and worry in my life was that it kept my shoulders just that much higher up, my nerves just that much more sensitive and my decisions just that much more cautious, informed by not entirely but some percentage of worry. I don't want to make decisions from a place of worry. I'm not responding to a credible threat, I'm creating a negative hypothetical transpiring of events. Arranging them in a way that keeps the fear alive. I came to the conclusion somewhere along the line, no more than three years ago, that I simply wasn't actively trusting myself. Trusting my ability to gracefully catch the things that may fall down in my life. And to realize that things will fall down in everyone's life no matter how cautious, worried or afraid you are. It's my ability to live bravely (acknowledging the fear I have, but moving past it and living beyond it) and then deal with any shit that might hit the fan that will guide me to the places I want to go, to meet the people I want to me, do the things I want to do. So, that's my big goal right now: to continue to live bravely. To stare the scary shit in the face until it blinks rather than turning away or just letting it get in my way. I want the people around me to do the same thing. When we can lift ourselves up, I've found it makes lifting each other up a whole lot more fun and even easy.